


Christmas Beginnings

by MicroKitty1313



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Fluff, M/M, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MicroKitty1313/pseuds/MicroKitty1313
Summary: For the Secret Santa fb eventSomeone please help these dorks. Really.





	Christmas Beginnings

Sousuke keeps his breathing calm. He’s completely still, arm awkwardly paused in the air, mid motion, in a moment of hesitation. Rejection is a very plausible outcome. Moreover, it’s weird to cuddle someone without consent, right? Makoto has been sending him mixed signals for months now. Then again, Sousuke hasn’t exactly been too forthcoming with his feelings either. But he is very certain that what he’d thought was just a crush, as dubbed by Rin back in high school, has now grown into full on love.

Sousuke begins to slowly lower his arm back to his side when Makoto sighs sleepily and scoots closer, nuzzling his face into Sousuke’s neck and flops his own arm over Sousuke’s side.

“… Okay” Sousuke breathes out in a whisper then gently wraps his arm around Makoto’s shoulder and back. He takes a long, shaky inhale and then closes his eyes. Despite his heart thrumming in his ears, he’s able to drift off to sleep quickly. Through luck or fate, he’s happy he ended up in this room at University.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“My clothes are **still** soaked!”, Rin laughs, pushing the door to their shared room at Samezuka open with his hip while pulling his shirt over his head. “I had fun, though. What about you, Sousuke?”

Sousuke responds with a grunt and a nod, closing the door behind him before ridding himself of his own chilled, damp shirt. As embarrassing as it all was, running around acting like children, it was some of the most fun he’s had in a while. The water gun fight had done wonders for lifting his spirits. Apparently, it was exactly what they’d all needed. “Tachibana is a bit…”

Rin pauses rummaging around in his dresser to glance back at Sousuke over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow. He smirks, “Ah, yeah. He gets pretty competitive”, he chuckles before returning to digging through his clothes. “Besides, I thought it was ‘ _Ma-ko-to_ ’, now?”

“So?”

“Mmm~. I guess it’s nothing. You did actually call Haru by his name instead of”, Rin clears his throat, deepening his voice a little to mimic Sousuke’s, “’Nanase’. Personally, though, I think that you have a little man-crush on Makot– HEY!”, Rin retrieves the towel from the floor that just previously collided with his head, clicking his tongue against his teeth.

“If we’re going to take a shower we need to do it now. ‘Lights out’ is in twenty minutes”. Sousuke acted like Rin’s words hadn’t effected him in the least, but the thought stuck in his mind. Did he have a crush? On Makoto? He was a handsome guy, sure. Sousuke will admit that. And after today, he got to know him a bit more and he did like seeing the other sides of him. He’d previously only thought of him as Haru’s guard-dog. A fool that smiled at everyone and was happy with following Haru around for the rest of his life. Well, maybe that impression only spawned from the frustration and resentment Sousuke was just now coming to terms with and getting over that revolved around Nanase Haruka.

“A crush, huh?”

“What?”, Rin narrows his eyes at Sousuke’s reflection in the mirror.

Sousuke goes wide-eyed for a moment, catching Rin’s gaze in the glass, then looks straight ahead and continues brushing his teeth, giving a one shoulder shrug in response. It didn’t matter anyway. Having a crush on Makoto was utterly pointless. He was obviously completely devoted to Haru.

That’s what he’d told himself. Yet here it is, who knows what time in the morning, mind buzzing. It’s a continuous loop. He thinks about everything that happened earlier. Then his brain singles out the interactions he’d had with Makoto that day. Then it just pin-points every single time he’s been around Makoto and that’s when the excitement hits him and his imagination goes wild. Scenarios of dates and first kisses run rampant. But it all dies down soon enough when reality creeps back in and his thoughts quickly turn to wondering if Makoto and Haru are already a couple. And repeat.

Sousuke rolls over, folding his arms under his pillow and burying his face into the fluffy cushion.

“If you don’t quit sighing and flopping around up there I’m trading rooms with Momo”, Rin growls. “What’s the problem?”

Had he been sighing? He must have been pretty loud to keep Rin awake and this is something his best friend didn’t need to be bothered with. Nothing was going to come of it and if he spoke of it he would only succeed in keeping them both up longer. “Just thinking. Sorry”.

Rin hums, then goes quiet for a few moments. Sousuke decides he needs to make a conscious effort to not disturb his bunk mate anymore tonight and desperately tries to clear his mind and sleep.

“Still planning on going back home? Helping your dad out with his business?”

The question catches him off guard, but he’ll take it. At least it’ll get his mind to focus on other things. “Yeah. I might look into taking some Uni classes online or something. If I have time between things with the business and physical therapy”.

This time, Rin is the one sighing, “Well, I can’t say I’m too thrilled that you are already looking into careers outside of swimming. I still say you can recover and come back…”. There’s a long pause, both waiting on the other to say something. Finally, Rin continues, “If it’s what you want… What kind of courses are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking something along the lines of injury prevention and early-intervention for athletes… Swimmers.”

Rin snorts, “Of course. You’ll have to work on your ‘people skills’, though”.

~*~

It’s been a few months since graduation. Sousuke’s physical therapy has been going well enough that he finally got the okay from his doctor to help his dad out with some of the heavy lifting required for home repairs instead of being stuck doing the grunt work. His dad still stays on his back, making sure he doesn’t overwork himself or push his boundaries too much. His shoulder is far from healed, but he’s gained a bit of motion back and he now has days that he isn’t in constant pain.

He’s began taking a few classes online, but nothing too serious. However, his dad has began dropping hints of wanting him to go to Uni full time. He insists that he has more than enough help, even with the five other branches he’s running. Sousuke is still adamant about sticking around, partially because he really does want to help his father, but also he’s using it as an excuse. If he starts taking classes seriously, it will be him making the decision to end his swimming career for good. He knows that by the time his shoulder heals as much as it’s going to, if that even proves to be enough for him to swim competitively again, he will have been out of the circuit for far too long.

“Son, I thought I told you to go home two hours ago!”

Sousuke places a board down on the stack he’s been working on for most of the day, “Yeah, yeah. I’m going. Need help closing up?”

“Get your ass outta here! So stubborn!”

Sousuke begins walking from the back of the shop along the outside to close up and lock any doors left open. He peaks his head in the front doors and waves at his father to let him know he’s heading out. He takes a couple steps towards the road, then stills for a moment to dab at the sweat on his forehead with the soaked shirt that’s hanging off his shoulder. Pulling a tank top from his back pocket, he tosses his other shirt into the cab of his dad’s beat up old truck. He can’t possibly walk around in public bare-chested.

“Yamazaki Sousuke. Is that you?”

The voice is one he hasn’t heard in a while, but it ambushes him with feelings he’d thought were long forgotten. He doesn’t want to come across as excited, because that would be weird. They were never good friends and this reaction was all because of Rin’s stupid little comment back then. Sousuke nonchalantly glances over to see Makoto waving at him, that smile pushing his cheeks up against green eyes. “Yo”.

Confirming that he wasn’t awkwardly calling out to someone he didn’t really know, Makoto picks his pace up to a jog, coming to a stop at the tailgate of the truck, “It’s been a while! How have you been?”

“You didn’t have to run”, is what tumbles out of Sousuke’s mouth instead of any form of actual greeting. He really does need to work on those ‘people skills’.

Makoto blinks at him for a moment, then tilts his head to the side and softly laughs, his eyes closing in the process, “I didn’t want you to have to wait on me”.

The taller of the two takes his time pulling his tank top on, mulling over what he should say next. He wants to keep the conversation going. Maybe spending a bit more time with Makoto will help him work through whatever it is that he’s feeling so he can be done with it. But he keeps coming up short. Sure, talking to people has never been one of his strong points, but the level of difficulty he’s currently experiencing has never happened before. He needs to make sure he chooses his words carefully. “Why are you here?”. Fuck.

Makoto’s eyebrows come together and his smile falls into a small frown, “I’m sorry. Am I keeping you?”

“No!”, Sousuke rubs the back of his neck, glancing down at his saw-dust covered pants, “I was just going home to get cleaned up then find something to eat”.

And Makoto’s smiling again, “I’d like to catch up with you. I’m going back to Tokyo tomorrow so do you want to meet up somewhere in an hour or two? If you’re too busy, I understand”.

Of course Makoto would give him an easy out after inviting him to dinner. He’s always so considerate. To be honest, Sousuke is basically a hermit. With Rin gone, he hasn’t had anyone dragging him around and forcing him into social settings so work is the most he ever has to be in public. It’s tempting to decline. But his curiosity about why, even after months of having no form of communication with Makoto, his heart is now thumping away in his chest is overriding his anti-social behaviors. “Sounds good”.

“Really?”, Makoto looks utterly confused. He must have been expecting Sousuke to refuse. The confusion slips away just as quickly as it came and those green eyes are practically shimmering with excitement, “A-alright. Let me give you my number and you can call me when you’re leaving your house”.

After they exchange numbers, Sousuke makes his way home. He makes a wrong turn or three, and he blames it on his mind being somewhere else. He takes the stairs up to his bedroom two at a time and spends longer than he’s willing to admit staring into his closest trying to decide what he should wear. He knows this isn’t a date. Just two acquaintances getting together for a bite. Two people that have a mutual friend in common. The fact that he’s putting on cologne and actually putting a bit of product in his hair is strictly for Makoto’s benefit. He wouldn’t want to embarrass the other by having to be seen with him looking how he normally does.

Sousuke thinks he looks nice. Black, short sleeved V-neck. It’s a bit too tight across the chest but it’s one of the few shirts he owns that isn’t stained or tattered from his job. The jeans fit him nice. It’s the first time he’s worn them since Gou gifted them to him the Christmas before. It dawns on him that maybe his fashion sense has always been shit considering the two Matsuoka’s are always buying him clothes. He’ll need to thank Gou later.

He’s out the door in under forty minutes, deciding on a simple ‘You ready?’ text to send the other. They decide to meet at an older _yakiniku_ restaurant. Sousuke remembered stories of Makoto’s kitchen adventures so as soon as they were seated and the meat was brought to their table, Sousuke took it upon himself to man the grill. Again, though, he finds himself at a loss for words. Makoto seems to have picked up on his struggle and takes up the slack, thankfully.

“I heard that you are taking some classes online. Are you planning to stick with that or…?”

“Yeah.”, not exactly what he would have chosen to talk about but it’s a good chance to talk about it to someone who’s brain isn’t constantly submerged in chlorinated water, “I mean, my dad wants me to actually enroll at a University. I’m thinking about it”. He flips a slice of meat over with the long chopsticks, then proceeds to prod nervously at another piece, “It’s just hard to let go of…”

“Swimming. I understand. I never wanted to make a career out of competitive swimming but it’s still hard moving on from it. I imagine it’s harder for you. Take your time. You’ve gone through a lot. No matter what you decide, I know you’ll work hard at it”.

Sousuke looks up from the grill to see a soft, kind smile curving Makoto’s lips. “I…”, Sousuke clears his throat, then motions for Makoto to hold his bowl up, “It’s ready. How many pieces do you want?”

Makoto keeps the rest of the conversation lighthearted. He talks about how he came back to visit Iwatobi so soon because his younger siblings were having a hard time adjusting to him living away from home. He mentions how he’s living on campus for the time being because they only managed to find a small apartment that Haru jumped on because of the size of the bath, so Makoto chose to stay in the dorms for the time being to save up some money. On their walk back from the restaurant, they take their time, watching the stars and exchanging their sides of stories they were all involved in, laughing about how much drama Rin and Haru caused in the past. Sousuke tries to fight off his blush when Makoto learns that he has his own address set in his GPS because he still gets lost from time-to-time. And before Sousuke is ready for it all to end, he finds himself facing Makoto in front of his house, standing particularly close to each other, the breeze ruffling Makoto’s bangs. 

Sousuke gives a small smile before pretending to become distracted at looking at something off to his side, “It’d be nice to do this again. You’re alright, Tach– um, Makoto”.

Makoto brings the side of his hand up to cover his mouth while he laughs, “Well, maybe we’ll see each other again soon in Tokyo?”

“Maybe”. Sousuke finally works up the courage to look at the other again, then bites at his bottom lip for a second, “Thanks. For the talk, I mean. You made me feel like it’s alright that I haven’t made up my mind yet”.

“That’s because it _is_ alright. Your dream was taken away from you. You overworked yourself, true, but you didn’t do it because you **wanted** what happened to you. You made a mistake that cost you the entire future you had planned out for yourself. No one can blame you for not being able to make a decision right now. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it”.

“How are you so good at pep-talks?”

Makoto laughs, again, “I _was_ Captain of the swim team. Plus, I’m a big brother. It comes natural”.

They stand there, watching each other in the quiet that follows. This outing hasn’t helped Sousuke figure out his feelings at all. It’s actually made it worse. He wishes there was a reason he needed to touch Makoto. A stray eyelash. One of those annoying specks of glitter that randomly show up on your cheek out of nowhere. Anything. But all too soon Makoto is turning and waving at him.

“You have my number! Call or text me anytime. I really had fun, Sousuke”.

And with one final smile, he’s gone.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

At the start of the next semester, Sousuke was moving. He was anxious, not just about living in Tokyo, but because he still wasn’t entirely sure on the decision he’d made. His dad helped him find a good physical therapist within a decent distance of his school. But he couldn’t get over all the second thoughts he was having about everything. His anxiety only worsened when the name of his roommate was given to him – Tachibana Makoto.

It wasn’t as if Makoto was a bad person to live with, it was… everything else. Sousuke’s feelings that he still hadn’t sorted out. At the same time, it was nice to know he was rooming with someone he was familiar with. The two hit it off great, helping each other study, playing video games together, Makoto had even introduced him to some new music that Sousuke would have never sought out on his own. The trouble with everything going so well is that now Sousuke can’t even hear Makoto’s voice without this overwhelming warmth swelling up inside his chest.

Tonight is like most others. They are both piled on Sousuke’s bed, game controllers in hand and a tiny black ball of fluff snoozing away on Sousuke’s chest. Sousuke isn’t much of an animal person, but he couldn’t tell Makoto ‘No’ when he’d brought the kitten to their room, drenched from rain and shivering, and Makoto was looking at him with _those eyes_. Besides, the little hairball has grown on him.

Sousuke, laid out on his bed and slightly propped up by his pillow, uncrosses his ankles to nudge Makoto’s back, who is sitting at the end of the bed to get a better view of their tv. “You’re cheating”.

Makoto pauses the game, turns, and smiles sweetly at the other, “No, you’re just terrible”.

Sousuke snorts, pressing the start button repeatedly in hopes of resuming the game while Makoto is distracted. It doesn’t work and afterward Makoto thoroughly beats Sousuke into the ground.

With an over-dramatic groan, Sousuke tosses his controller beside him on the bed and cradles the snoozing kitten in one arm, rolling to his side and brings the cat up to his face to nuzzle it with his nose, “Makoto doesn’t play fair. Does he, Punk?”

Makoto crawls up the bed then lays down on his stomach, one arm holding him up. He scratches the kitten behind it’s ear and gives Sousuke a stern look, “Her name is **not** ‘Punk’. It’s Mochi. You’re going to hurt her feelings calling her that”.

It’s hard to concentrate. Makoto is so close that Sousuke can smell his shampoo. All he’d have to do his lean up, just slightly, and their lips would be touching. It would be a small kiss at first, then Sousuke would gently take Makoto’s glasses off and they’d go in for a second kiss. Deeper… Longer. They’d hold each other and when they had to stop to breathe, Sousuke would finally say aloud that he’s had feelings for the other for a while. Then Makoto would say he’s felt the same way and…

“Oh! My boyfriend just text. He’s finally free for a bit and wants to get coffee. I’m going out for a bit”.

Sousuke watches Makoto climb over him to get off the bed, completely dumbfounded. “Boyfriend?”. Did his voice just break? And he could have sworn Makoto was blushing but he’s making sure to keep his face turned away. Sousuke sets up, placing the kitten down on his pillow. “You mean Haru?”

That gets Makoto’s attention and he jerks his head to the side, dropping his wallet, “Haru?! Why in the world would you think I’m dating him?!”

“You two have just always seemed… really close. Who, then? And how long?”

“You mean like you and Rin? You two must be dating, too! Right?”

Sousuke scrunches his nose at that, “Hell no”.

Makoto raises his eyebrows, “Exactly. And, I’m sorry, but are we arguing about this? Or is it just an interrogation?”, he crosses his arms, “We’ve been talking for about a month. He asked me out a couple of weeks ago when he got back to Tokyo. He’s been busy moving his things into his apartment”.

“I just thought that we were…,” Sousuke’s head is spinning. He’d missed his chance. He actually had a chance! Now, he’s even pissed Makoto off. Makoto, who was single but isn’t anymore. “I just thought we were better friends than that. That you’d tell me things like this”.

Makoto finishes getting ready quickly but before leaving he stops to pet Mochi again. He won’t look up. Won’t look at Sousuke and when he speaks his voice isn’t the same. He sounds sad. Miserable. “That’s what we are. We’re good friends, Sousuke. I don’t know why this escalated the way it did, but I don’t want to mess up our friendship. I’m sorry”.

It takes all of his strength not to break then and there. He forces a smile. Reassures Makoto that this wouldn’t ruin their friendship. Then, hurries the other out the door so he isn’t late to meet his boyfriend. Once he’s alone, he presses his back against the door and slides all the way down to a squat, propping his elbows on his knees and cupping his hands around his mouth. He feels sick. His chest hurts and his stomach is in knots. He can’t even bring himself to speak to Punk when she comes over to check on him, pawing at his leg. He allows himself to feel this for a little while longer before shaking his head, standing up and mumbling “It’s your own damn fault” to himself.

He decides to grab some things from a vending machine for dinner since Makoto would be eating somewhere else, so there was no point in Sousuke cooking. The sun had already gone down and he was unusually tired. Probably from all of the emotions he’s been through today. 

He see’s someone standing outside his and Makoto’s dorm room when he turns down their hall and almost growls when he realizes it’s Haru. He’s just not in the mood to try to communicate with really anyone at this point. But he knows he can’t just shove him aside and slam the door in his face, so when he reaches his door he clears his throat to let Haru know he’s there. It isn’t as though he hasn’t seen Haru at all since he’s been here. Just, rarely. And only when Makoto is there, too. They just have no reason to attempt to socialize with each other on their own.

“Where’s Makoto?”

Sousuke quirks an eyebrow, glancing at the other while he unlocks the door, “Hello to you, too”.

“Hi”.

Sousuke gets the door open and leaves it that way, walking into his room and dumping his snacks and sports drink onto his bed. He notices Haru hasn’t taken the hint, or didn’t want to, and is still standing in the doorway, “He’s out. Will probably be back later”.

“Oh”. Haru doesn’t say anything else. Just takes a step back before turning and walking away.

It dawns on Sousuke that he’s being presented an opportunity and he bounds for the door, stumbles, and catches himself by slamming his injured shoulder into the wall. The terrible sound that erupts from his throat is enough to bring Haru back to the door to stare at Sousuke with what looks like annoyed concern.

“I… shit”, Sousuke’s hunched over, hand on his shoulder and eyes squeezed shut tight.

“I’m leaving then”.

“Shut the hell up and get in here, Nanase. Punk’s gonna get out and I need to ask you something”, he works through the pain while waiting on Haru to shut the door and promptly go to Makoto’s bed to sit down.

Haru taps his finger on his thigh twice and the kitten scurries to him, mewing and standing on it’s hind legs, begging to be picked up, “Her name’s Mochi”. He sets Mochi in his lap and lets her gnaw on his finger before frowning and turning his attention to Sousuke, “What?”

Having gotten over the worst of the pain, Sousuke lightly rubs his shoulder and sits on his bed directly opposite of Haru, “Are you single?”

“No thanks.”, Haru monotones, furrowing his brow.

“I’m not asking you out, you weirdo. I just found out Makoto has a boyfriend. I thought you two had been together since high school so I’m a little confused. That’s the entire reason I haven’t –”.

Haru rolls his eyes, “I need to go home. I have friends coming over”.

Sousuke slowly blinks at the other, “That’s a terrible lie”. He sighs and shakes his head, “I mean, do you know this guy? Are you okay with your best friend dating some stranger?”

“I have friends. I’m popular”.

“Haru, focus!”, Sousuke yells. He massages his temples with his middle fingers and continues, “This is important”.

Haru sighs, rolling Mochi over to her back and tickling her stomach, turning her into a tiny ball of rage, “Why are you dragging me into this?”

“I just wanted to know how serious this is. I figured you’d know best”.

Holding his hand just above the kitten, Haru wiggles his fingers to get her worked up before he dives back into the attack on her stomach, “Tell Makoto how you feel”.

“I can’t!”

“Then, don’t”, Haru wraps his fingers around Mochi’s midsection and stands. He walks over to Sousuke and drops the highly wound up kitten into his lap. He smiles when she immediately latches onto Sousuke’s forearm and sinks her teeth in, “I have to go”.

Sousuke doesn’t manage to respond, currently invested in attempting to calm the kitten back down and avoid the onslaught of bites and scratches she’s giving him. He hears the door open and quickly looks up to see Haru paused, watching him.

Haru lolls his head back, looking up at the ceiling like he’s calling on some higher power for the strength he needs to open his mouth, “Makoto can barely hold the guy’s hand and he never talks about him unless he’s around. It’s not serious”, and he shuts the door.

Hearing those words isn’t as comforting as Sousuke thought they would be. Makoto is still in a relationship with someone else, so it would be pretty fucked up if Sousuke decided to confess right after finding out about this guy. He knows what Rin would tell him to do. Something along the lines of how Sousuke should run to Makoto right now, tell him how he feels and sweep him off his feet before it’s too late and Makoto is in love with this other man. Then they could make love under the stars or some sappy romantic crap. He’ll need to wait a bit more before making his move.

It took one month for things to go back to normal between him and Makoto. Not wanting to risk upsetting things between them again, Sousuke put his confession off for a while longer, which turned into another month. And now, here he is, cuddled up with Makoto on his bed.

He grumbles, shaking his foot lightly to hopefully make Mochi stop pouncing on it, but that only seems to make her more intrigued. “Quit, Punk!”, he says a bit louder. He groggily blinks his eyes open at the sound of a gasp. His blurry vision begins to focus on two beautiful green eyes staring back at him only inches away.

Makoto quickly sits up and clumsily makes his way off of the bed, “I’m so sorry! I must have fallen asleep during the movie. I’m sorry, you must be weirded out”.

Sousuke clears his throat, stretching his left arm above his head with a yawn, “S’fine. Was pretty cozy, actually”.

The words makes Makoto’s cheeks heat up, but he doesn’t say anything back. Instead, he sits on his own bed and checks his phone.

The silence is deafening. It’s making Sousuke worry that he’d made a mistake. Maybe all of the things he’d taken as signs that Makoto might be interested in him were only friendly gestures. He doesn’t want things to be awkward between them so he checks the time then gets out of bed and pulls on the shirt he wore the night before. “Um, I bought chicken yesterday. I thought I could make us _karaage_ for lunch. Rin is supposed to skype with me in a little while, if you want to talk to him”. He waits for Makoto to decline his offers. Prepares for it.

“I’d like that”, Makoto smiles.

Sousuke relaxes. But his confusion has increased. If Makoto really didn’t like waking up like that, wouldn’t he had said something? Wouldn’t he be trying to avoid the situation? Whatever. Sousuke can worry about that later if it comes back up. It’s already getting close to lunch, so Sousuke prepares to cook. It’s something he’s good at and something Makoto enjoys being a part of. Before he starts cutting the chicken, he positions a stool to set his laptop on and aims it at the small kitchen area of their room. Rin calls exactly the time he said he would and it actually makes everything go a lot smoother. There’s no tension between him and Makoto and the conversation’s filled with plenty of laughter between the three.

With the first batch done, Sousuke tears off a small piece with the chopsticks then places it on his extended finger. He blows on it a few times, then grins at Makoto, “Do the honors?”

Without hesitation, Makoto leans down and takes Sousuke’s finger into his mouth. Sousuke can feel his teeth lightly, slowly, scrape along his skin. He can feel Makoto’s tongue move along the other side of his finger and all Sousuke can do is stare. His breathing picks up when Makoto looks up at him, pulling off of his finger finally. Sousuke can’t imagine what expression he has right now but it must be outlandish enough to make Makoto realize what just happened because his face goes bright red and he straightens up so fast he almost slams his head into the open cabinet behind him.

“I - I just remembered I left a book in the library. I need it. And… my boyfriend should still be around campus. I’m going to see him, too. I’ll be back by the time the rest of it’s done”, he won’t even look at the other, pretending to be engrossed in putting his shoes on.

Sousuke doesn’t notice, though. He’s watching the chicken extremely closely, searching for answers in the oil. His mouth is dry and he’s panicking. “You should invite him, too. Your boyfriend. There’s enough”.

Makoto stops for a moment and actually looks at Sousuke. The emotion on his face is a jumbled mess but he manages to give a halfhearted smile, “Alright. I’ll be back soon”.

As soon as the door shuts, Rin’s voice comes through the speakers of the computer so loud that the sound crackles, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!”

Sousuke flinches. “Hmm? What happened?”. 

“Don’t play dumb with me! You used the damn chopsticks to pick the chicken apart and then put it on your finger! What the hell, Sousuke?”

“Dunno”, he shrugs, “Just subconsciously did it, I guess”.

Rin guffaws, slamming his hand down on his computer desk for effect, “Then you need to have a serious talk with yourself because your subconscious wants to bone Makoto”.

Sousuke fumbles the chopsticks, catching them before they hit the floor. He snatches his head around to glare at the laptop screen, “I didn’t expect that!”

“Didn’t expect what? Him to suck your finger off after you basically shoved it in his mouth to begin with?”

They erupt into an argument loud enough that it has the people on either side of Sousuke’s room beating on the walls. Just as Sousuke is flipping Rin off, the door opens again. Sousuke turns back to where he’d forgotten entirely about cooking the rest of the chicken but just knowing Makoto actually came back is enough to lighten his mood. 

That is, until Makoto’s boyfriend waltzes in behind the other. Sousuke visibly stiffens. He places his palms down on the counter and rotates both shoulders, tilting his head from side to side, popping his neck and upper back all at once. A ‘ping’ comes from his computer but he ignores it, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a second before speaking, “I’m glad you came. It’s nice to meet you”.

“Oi, Sousuke. Check your chat”, Rin calls from the laptop.

“I’ve been curious about who exactly was lucky enough to snatch Makoto up”, Sousuke continues.

“Sssssoussssuke, your chat. You should really look at it”, Rin tries again.

Sousuke huffs but finally walks over to his computer to read whatever Rin was annoying him about.

_Rin: ’You’re doing the thing.’_

Already at his limit and frustrated beyond control, Sousuke spits out loud, “What THING?!”

“Smooth”, Rin deadpans.

Another ping.

_Rin: ’The thing you do where you can actually SEE you’re bottling up negativity. And hostility. Same thing, I guess.’_

_Sousuke: ‘Shut up’_

_Rin: ‘Then stop doing it. Talk to Makoto.’_

“Stop meddling!”, Sousuke snaps.

Rin suddenly stands up, sending his computer chair to the floor, “Then stop pretending that you aren’t in lov–”

Sousuke closes the laptop and carelessly tosses it onto his bed. He scrubs his hands against his face a few times then slowly turns to rejoin this other situation that he would rather not be in. 

“Was it alright for you to hang up like that?”, Makoto motions to the computer.

Sousuke shrugs, “I’ll call him back later. He’ll get over it”.

~*~

Christmas break was starting. A whole week away from Uni. But, instead of going home, it was decided everyone would get together at Haru and Makoto’s apartment. Shortly after the last fiasco, Haru had discovered a larger place and, as was the plan from the beginning, Makoto chipped in and they bought the place. Sousuke and Makoto would still hang out often, but things weren’t like they used to be. Where before, Makoto would freely put himself in Sousuke’s personal space and not bat an eye, now he notices when he does it and puts some distance between them.

Sousuke has accepted his fate. He lost. And he didn’t think it would ever change. He might as well finish shopping for presents so he can go back to his room and maybe oversleep and miss the Christmas party tomorrow. An orange watch catches his attention. The grey outlined cat heads on the band make him smile and he asks to try it on. If it’ll fit around his wrist, it will work for Makoto. He makes his purchase and asks for it to be gift wrapped, so it doesn’t end up looking like the wadded up mess the rest of his presents appear to be, when he notices Makoto’s boyfriend walking out of the store. The problem is that the hand the guy is holding, doesn’t belong to Makoto. The saleswoman hands Sousuke the neatly wrapped box just in time for him to begin making his way to the exit of the store when the two men he’d been watching kiss.

He tightens his grip on the bags in his hand and storms out the store and right into the bastard that’s cheating on the man that he loves. He uses his free hand to shove the guy against the brick wall of a nearby store, snarling, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Who the hell is this?!”

The guy puts his hands up, “Whoa. Calm down. You’re Makoto’s friend, right? Listen, this looks bad, I get it…”

“This **is** bad, asshole. But it’s about to get a lot worse _for you_.”

Swallowing audibly, the other continues, “I’ve tried to break up with him before now. But, he’s just… so… nice. I don’t think he actually wants to be with me, anyway. It’s always seemed like he wasn’t really part of the relationship”.

“And you think that makes cheating on him okay? Either you tell him, or I’ll make you tell him. Your choice”, Sousuke ends his sentence with a final push to the guys chest. He’s angry enough that he slams his door open and shut when he gets back to his room and scares Rin bad enough he drops his phone.

“Damn, Sousuke. What happened, get lost again?”, Rin snickers, inspecting the screen of his phone then plopping back on the bed in the vacant side of the room.

Sousuke doesn’t answer. He yanks his coat off and hurls it to the floor, dropping his shopping bags with it. He then carefully pulls Makoto’s gift from the pocket of his hoodie and places it on his nightstand.

“Nice. That one for me?”, Rin grins.

“No.”

Rin hums in thought, then uses his phone to hide most of his face, peering over the top at the other, “From the way that vein in your neck is pulsating, I’m willing to bet this is Makoto related”.

“Just drop it, Rin. It’s been handled. I’ll explain it all after Christmas. Don’t want to ruin the ‘holiday cheer’ for everyone”.

~*~

He should have known Rin would want to do some last minute shopping around Tokyo. What’s more agrivating is he talked all of the others into joining them and then eating at a restaurant after. They are supposed to go to Haru and Makoto’s after they eat for the actual party, but Sousuke is seriously thinking about handing out his gifts while they eat and slinking off into the night to go back to his room and sleep. The only problem with his plan is Makoto still hasn’t shown up and they are already looking at the menus. He checks his phone to see if Makoto has text him, but the only notifications are from Rin on snapchat - pictures of things in stores they literally looked at together… at the same time. “Where’s Makoto?”

Haru looks thankful for the question. It gives him a break from Rin using him as an armrest while the redhead pulls his phone out and starts typing away.

“Ah, he says he’ll be here in a little bit. His boyfriend asked to see him for a second so they’re meeting up at the Christmas tree a couple of blocks away”. Rin manages to catch his drink before it topples over when the table shakes from the force of Sousuke pushing himself up to stand.

“Which way?”, Sousuke asks, pulling his jacket on and already leaving their private room.

This guy can’t be this stupid. This heartless! Breaking up with someone on Christmas has got to be one of the lowest things a person can do. Sousuke runs in the direction Rin had pointed, but he doesn’t see the damn tree. He tries stopping an older woman to ask her for directions but she clutches her purse tightly and scurries away. Sousuke can’t blame her. He probably looks insane right now, panting and he can’t seem to gain control of the volume of his voice. He decides to try going to the next street over and skids to a stop when the sparkling bulbs of the tree come into view. The road is busy, people walking from store to store. It’s crowded and hard to move but Sousuke pushes his way through towards the lone figure on a bench facing away from the twinkling lights and glittering garland of the Christmas tree. Comforting the person he’s in love with while they’re hurt over a relationship with someone else isn’t exactly at the top of Sousuke’s list of things he ever wanted to do in his life, but he can’t fathom leaving Makoto alone right now, heartbroken. The closer Sousuke gets, the more he’s sure the damage has already been done.

He quietly takes a seat next to Makoto and waits. Waits for him to talk or to walk off.

“Merry Christmas, Sousuke”, Makoto says, his head down and voice shaky.

Sousuke worries his lip for a moment, then chooses to let the other know that he understands what’s just happened, “I’m sorry, Makoto. This is something no one should have to go through, let alone on a special day”.

“I KNOW! I’m such a horrible person!”, Makoto wails, “I just couldn’t keep putting him through this. He could tell I was in love with someone else. And I cared about him too much to let him waste another second on me. I hope he finds someone that can feel the same way about him that he did about me”.

“… Wait”, Sousuke places a hand on Makoto’s shoulder and eases him to turn and face him, “You broke up with _him_?”

Makoto nods, sniffling and Sousuke can’t help but to laugh. He grabs Makoto’s hand and pulls him up, “Let’s go. I’ve got a story to tell you on the way to the others that will make you feel a little better, I think”.

Find out the truth about what had taken place seemed to ease Makoto’s guilt a bit. He was at least able to laugh along with everyone at dinner and play the part of a good host once they got back to his and Haru’s place. The amount of people that showed up after was surprising, but what was even more so was the fact that the majority of the bodies in the apartment were all Haru’s friends. Sousuke decides to stick to the sidelines, desperately avoiding small talk but enjoying himself nonetheless. He contemplates joining Makoto when the latter steps out onto the balcony and slides the door closed, but decides against it. Makoto probably still isn’t in the right mood to be socializing. He’ll give him some time and then finally make his move.

A hand wraps around Sousuke’s arm and jerks him around the corner and smack into Rin, who isn’t phased a bit. Not from the impact, anyway. He’s clenching his teeth and looking at him with those insane red eyes, “Get your ass out there and tell him how you feel, you idiot! I didn’t hang mistletoe around every inch of this place for you to wimp out, AGAIN! You’re so obvious that it pisses me off!”, and then Rin is pushing Sousuke towards the sliding door to the balcony, opens it, makes one more lowly growled threat, and pushes Sousuke outside.

Makoto laughs softly, turning his head to look at Sousuke and then lays it back down on his folded arms of the railing, “Rin’s always trying to help someone”.

“I don’t think I’d call it ‘helping’, but he’s definitely always doing something”. Sousuke sticks his hands in his pockets, looking up at the sky to watch the few, small snow flurries float around in the breeze. “It’s actually snowing some. That’s rare”.

“Mmhm. It’s pretty. I’m happy we could all be here together”.

Sousuke is getting more nervous by the second. He wants to go back inside but Rin might push him **off** the balcony if he tries to run away from this. He grips the cold bar of the railing and takes a deep breath, “Makoto, I just wanted to say that–”

“It’s you, you know?”

“Huh?”, Sousuke looks over at Makoto who is looking at him with wet, glassy eyes and a kind smile, “Me?”

“The person I’m in love with. I know this may end our friendship, but I’m so tired of keeping it a secret. I actually thought that first time we went to eat together was a date. But I realized you didn’t see me that way so that’s why I tried dating someone else. It didn’t work out too well, in case you were wondering”, Makoto sighs, his breath leaving a cloud of white behind, “You don’t have to say anything back. And I’m really sorry if this made you feel weird or bad. I’ll understand”.

Sousuke is slack-jawed. He really _is_ oblivious. He hears a tap on the glass of the door but doesn’t take his eyes off Makoto, “I… I feel the same way. I’ve felt the same way for just as long. Honestly, I’m not sure this is really happening”, he licks his lips and steadies himself, “I love you, Makoto. And whenever you’re ready, I’d like if you decide to give me a chance”.

Makoto hides his mouth in the crook of his elbow, because laughing at the other right now would be rude, but Sousuke looks so cute with his eyes wide and hopeful and nose red from the cold. So, he just nods in agreement. Sousuke tells him that he’s going to go inside to get them their jackets but Makoto catches the sleeve of his shirt and tugs him back outside, “You were just under the mistletoe. Rin was talking about the history behind this tradition while he was putting it up earlier”. Makoto places a hand on the back of Sousuke’s neck and gently pushes until their lips meet.

It’s sweet and delicate and only lasts a moment. When they separate, it isn’t far. Their warm breath dancing across each others face and Sousuke runs his fingers through the back of Makoto’s hair then goes in for another quick kiss. Then another, and another until it’s several small kisses that are working together in a longer one. Makoto’s lips are soft and hot, making Sousuke forget about the winter chill and the snow around them. One last peck and Sousuke leans his forehead against the others. “I think that’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten”.

“You _think_?”, Makoto smiles, “I guess I’ll have to make the next kiss better”.


End file.
